Onions in Ring Form

Lately Baldwin has been lying.

Now, I'm not an enormous fan of fried foods. I can live without french fries, chicken nuggets and mozzerella sticks. Onion rings, however, are another matter altogether. I live for them. They are the namesake of this blog. There is nothing like a sliver of onion doused in deliciously fattening batter and fried to crispy perfection. Add crazy amounts of ketchup and you're made in the shade.

Anywho, when I check the Baldwin menu and I see onion rings listed, I'm expecting a specific type of onion experience. The "onion petals" and "onion strings" Baldy has been substituting for my beloved rings make me want to beat somebody. The petals (which, by the way, look like long, gross fake fingernails) are always burnt, and the strings are basically just shreds of batter with no onions inside. To top it all off, they fall apart when you try to dunk them in ketchup. Raa!

What is going on? When I want to eat fried onions, I want them in cicular form. I want to "float" them in my little bowl of ketchup like mini life preservers. I adore the diversity a heap of onion rings brings to the table - the tall, skinny ones; the perfectly-shaped medium-sized circles; the small, fat, juicy ones that are mostly onion and very little batter. Goddammit, when I read the word "onion" and then the word "ring" with nothing in between, I want onion rings!

In conclusion, I think Baldwin needs to be a little bit more specific when they update the online menu. Maybe they don't understand what implications their webpage has for my life and the lives of my roommates. When I actually see something I like in the daily lineup (which rarely happens), I become very excited and I look forward to lunch. When it's not there, it's like somebody's ripped out my heart and subjected it to a game of Destructo with Firas Marenkos.

Alex has just informed me from across the room that there are three types of onions: spring, storage, and pearl. She would know because she lives on a farm (just kidding, we googled "onion").

Sidenote: I would like to dance in the cheese aisle just like the people in the Sargento commercial.