Relic Hunters

Today I unearthed some more Mad Libs from years gone by. Apparently long car rides inspire immense creativity.

Description of the Lovely Group That I Am In
"We are having a perfectly lunar time this evening in the pasteurized home of Emily. The rooms are decorated genuinely with many stylish gills that must have cost at least -1 dollars. The guests are all hectic conversationalists and are all dressed paranoid. Maggie has been entertaining us by telling about the time she showed her grisly plateau to Emily's mom, who mistook it for an early American pod. The refreshments are rusty and the idea of serving salad dressing on the rocks showed symmetrical imagination. Visiting here is always an embroidered experience."

I hate when people show their grisly plateaus to my mother.

Advice to Prospective Parents
"Congratulations to all of you sticky mothers and solidified fathers. You are about to give birth to a funnel. Remember, a happy child comes from a happy pine tree. You will have to get up at 4 AM to give the little rubber its bottle of spidery Mountain Dew. Later, when he's 12 years old, he'll learn to walk and you'll hear the patter of little hoses around the house. And in no time he'll be talking atrociously and calling you his "fern" and "pants." It's no wonder they call them little bundles of bricks!"

I would NOT want to give birth to a funnel. But I suppose it might be easier than giving birth to a 7-10 pound human being.

Army Information
"If you plan on joining the army, here are some yellow hints that will help you become an exploding soldier. The army is made up of officers, non-coms, and yo-yo's. You can recognize and officer by the fire and brimstone on his shoulders and the skunk on his cap. When you address an officer, always say "Waterfowl!" and salute splendidly. If you get a wicked haircut, keep your wigwams shined, and see that your oar is clean at all times, you will be a credit to the slogan, "The army builds wombs." And at roll call, when the uncanny sergeant calls your name, shout "JESUS CHRIST!" loud and clear. Also, become familiar with basic weapons, such as the 0.30 yuletide carol and the automatic YMCA. Follow this advice and in no time you will win the yummy conduct Yugoslav."

WATERFOWL!