It's On

Taking a break from working on pointless projects to write about more funny shit that's happened to me.

Okay. So, I know it's wrong to have favorite students. I do genuinely love all my students, each just for being his or her strange little second-grade self. But there are definitely students who make me happier more often than others. And Abe is just one such example.

Abe in a nutshell: he is the smallest child in our class. Tiny, adorable little black boy with a shaved head and a too-big fake diamond earring in his precious, miniature earlobe. He's missing both of his front teeth, causing him to slightly resemble a vampire. He will often come over and quietly tug on my hand in a way that just melts my heart, then motion for me to move down closer so he can whisper a question or comment into my ear. While most of the other second-grade boys are clownish, noisy and impatient, Abe is gentle and easygoing. He's really a sweet kid.

But the best part about Abe is, hands down, his voice. Abe has the deepest, most gravelly voice I've ever heard come out of an 8-year-old. Seriously, think Lil Wayne meets Barry White. When such a crazy voice springs from this absolutely diminutive child, my soul bursts with joy.

So that's Abe.

Abe had a few zingers today. One was verbal and one was in writing.

Mr. C: (the class is discussing tornadoes) Tornado winds can reach speeds of about 300 miles per hour. Have any of you ever stuck your arm out the window when you're driving on the highway? What happens?
Abe: (in completely serious little black-boy voice) Your arm fall off.

And here is the beginning of Abe's waterways narrative. I edited it as little as possible:

"I was at a lake and I look in it and I saw a fish fiting another fish I ran to my teta (teacher. Great phonetic spelling haha) so I could take a pichur of wot I saw and then they fish started fighting and they said, "It's on!" and the big one was winning the fite. The little one died. The end."


...Lord have mercy.

Till tomorrow,

MLA