Feed Me

I used to think it would be difficult to become morbidly obese, say, 600-700 pounds or so. I was convinced that in order to reach such a weight, a person my size would have to consume about 5,000 calories of pure crap per day and never move an inch - not even to get up and walk to the kitchen. Being a typical college student, I'm certainly no stranger to the Freshman 15. However, I always took comfort in knowing that, unless I really put effort into lying in bed eating Doritos 24/7, I could never become truly obese.

Then Baby Week arrived, directly followed by Halloween. And I realized that I would have no trouble developing a girth of epic proportions.

In the past three days, I can honestly say that I've eaten about a week and a half's worth of calories (this is NOT including regular meals).

In the past 72 hours, I, Emily C. Lawrence, have snacked on:

-15 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
-half a bag of Nestle Treasures caramel-filled dark chocolates (about 14)
-5 various cookies
-4 8-oz. bottles of cranberry juice cocktail
-1 small Reese's flurry from the Eat Shop
-a full-sized Cadbury Crunchie bar and half a Cadbury Crispie Crunch (Canadian candy from my UP suitemate)
-3 little packets of Sweet Tarts
-4 Dove chocolates
-a whole box of Disney princess fruit snacks
-1 small bag of Cheetos
-a Take 5 bar
-3 Lindt truffles
-3 caramel apple suckers
-12 Jolly Ranchers
-7 Jolly Rancher suckers
-half a FAMILY-SIZED box of Honeycomb cereal
-2 cans of Coke
-12 Colby-Jack cheese sticks
-2 snack sausages from Alex's dad the butcher

Seriously, this is ridiculous. It's disgusting. I just cannot stop eating.

I love to eat to the point where it's probably an addiction. Putting food in my mouth is the only thing that will ALWAYS make me feel better, hands down. I can't say the same about exercising, music, alcohol or even being around my friends. Food is stable. It's a constant. I always know how I will react to eating food. A plate of fettucini alfredo is not going to judge me. It's instant gratification and it doesn't ask questions. Why would I want to get up and exert effort to feel better about myself when I can just eat another Dorito and find instant pleasure? Yes, there are many other (healthier) ways to find happiness. But we all know food's the easiest.

I now have a grasp of what it's like to be a compulsive eater and, consequentially, an obese person. Yes, I love to be active and eat healthy food. But I also love to sit on my ass in my dorm room and consume junk. I'm bored, I'm lonely, I'm PMSing, and my Greek "family" has provided me with all of my favorite guilty pleasures. All this food is mine. It was a gift. I am going to eat as much as I want of it, and it will make me happy, for now anyway.

Of course, after I stop getting all this crap from my sorority, I'll go back to being the normal, healthy, tofu-eating, nutrition-conscious Emily whose greatest indulgences are Baldwin cookies after lunch. But for now, I am going to hoist my enormous self out of my chair and get another piece of chocolate.

Bon appétit!