Red Red Wine

I'm red.

I'm bored at work, just re-took the colors test, and am red. Crimson. Not saying red people are angry and destructive all the time, just sayin' that they sometimes deal with life in angrier, more destructive ways than say, a blue person would. Which makes this whole "wanting-to-murder-the-world" thing completely out of my comfort zone.

Is it because I'm just having a red day? No. If you know me, you know that recently I've been having a red life. I am literally bitter, angry and aggressive about EVERYTHING. Things that used to make me want to crawl into a hole and cry now just make me want to throw something and curse loudly. I find myself doing even the most mundane tasks in spiteful ways. A few of my recent hostile sieges against innocent people and objects around this college:

Professor: MLA, I've noticed that you haven't been taking notes during blah blah blah blah something pointless that has no instructional integrity or purpose blah.
Me: I'm a senior. I don't care.

Path on quad: Oh, I'm just going to mosey on over here, completely out of the way of where the class building is that everybody needs to go.
Me: GOD. Fuck you, path. You're worthless (powerwalks across grass).

Nice, harmless old lady driver: Waaaayeeelll, I'm just taking a nice Saturday morning drive to pick up my Social Security check, and then I'll go visit my adorable grandchildren and continue doing absolutely nothing bad for society.
Me: LET'S GO, GRANDMA! WHILE WE'RE YOUNG! KINDLY DRIVE MORE THAN 2 FUCKING MILES PER HOUR! THANKS!!! EXIT THE ROAD NOW!

Heat in apartment that's trying its best but still doesn't work well: I'm just going to focus on heating this one small spot in front of the kitchen.
Me: Heat, you are a worthless pile of shit. You do not work. Go die now.

Clogged shower drain: I'm trying really hard to drain the bathtub, it's just that I'm full of hair and these girls haven't bothered to clean me out all semester.
Me: Um, HI, I am trying to bathe here. Why must you insist on turning into a lake? NEWS FLASH!!! YOU'RE A DRAIN! YOU NEED TO BE REMOVING THE FUCKING WATER FROM THE FUCKING SHOWER!!!

...and so on. Even things that don't deserve my angry diatribes (which are most things) cannot escape my fiery wrath. I'm just an indiscriminate fist of rage. All I need now is a machine gun and a gold tooth.

I guess in some respects being a raving bitch is better than being depressed. For instance, anger often produces better art, very entertaining speech and scathing, witty writing. It's just never really been my thing. I usually want everyone to get along, and have always characteristically been worried about other people thinking I'm insensitive, mean, lazy or negligent. Now I really am insensitive, mean, lazy and negligent, and it's actually not as much fun as it seems. I'm still unhappy and unsatisfied with myself and my day-to-day life, it's just a matter of being outspokenly pissed off instead of passively sad and helpless.

But it's still kind of funny. Which is a recurring theme with MLA. No matter how negative I am, or how stupid my life seems, or how fat I get, or how much I procrastinate, or how annoyed I become with the social structure of my everyday surroundings, or how much money I spend unnecessarily, or how apathetic my general outlook becomes, something is always, always funny.

Which somehow keeps everything going.

Yes, I know that I am a downer. Go fly a kite.

Is it summer yet?