Quagmire

I've never had a post title starting with Q.

Complete lack of motivation to do anything.

BUT, let me tell you a story of how I got home from a party this weekend.

For starters, I have had no money for the past two months (shocker). A divine miracle occurred on Wednesday when I got a little bit of cash from my aunt in a Halloween card. Approximately $25. A smart, responsible poor person who doesn't get paid until the 6th would have sat at home with a vice-like grip on this donation, staring at the wall or doing other boring, inexpensive things. But I make bad decisions, and decided to use the money to get to the Halloween party of my friend from (this summer's) camp. I had been wanting to go to this party for a long time, because I haven't seen the normal, non-bitch people from that place since camp ended in August.

Here is where the evidence of my horrendous money management skills is furthered. I figured that if I just brought enough of my stash to pay for gas there and back and a cup at the party, then I wouldn't be tempted to buy anything else on my journey. So I set out with $10 and some change. If it's not there you can't spend it, right?

So, the party happens. I went as my mortal enemy from camp this summer. Nobody got it. Examples of things people guessed I was: first grader, jogger from Juno, latchkey kid. Insert fog machine, lots of beer, sing-along on the porch, fake cobwebs everywhere, etc. I slither out of bed at noon on Saturday with $7 in my pocket. I thought, okay, I can totally swing this. Gas is really cheap right now. $5 got me a quarter tank, which had been just enough to get up to my friend's house (she lives in Hartland, interestingly). I set out for Albion flat-lining - completely on empty. Stopped at the first gas station I saw, pumped $6 of gas and got a 99 cent fountain pop. That goddamn fountain pop turned out to be one of the worst decisions ever. 99 cents I can never have back.

This gas station was a little pricier than the one I patronized on Friday night. The $6 got me just under a quarter tank. Well, fuck me. It was a stretch, but I had to risk it. At this point I have a handful of change with me. I don't have AAA or roadside, so if I ran out of gas on the highway I was up shit creek. Knowing that my car can definitely go a ways on E, I hopped back on 23 and prayed. Hard. In Ann Arbor, I was on empty again. It was crunch time. I really didn't know what to do. Should I keep driving and see how far I can push it? Or do I find ANOTHER gas station and pump however much my loose change will get me? I would sooner die than ask my parents or friends to drive across the state to help me. Can I hitchhike? How long would it take me to walk to Albion?

I stopped at a Shell. The small Indian man working waited patiently while I counted out $2.66 in change, including some pennies from the penny tray. The dude behind me in line stared. My pride was on the floor. I felt like a homeless person. I pumped $2.66 worth of gas into my car and kept truckin'. In an attempt to save my precious gallon of gas, I seriously was going like 60 mph on cruise control. Astoundingly, I made it to Jackson, which is about 15 minutes away from Albion. I hit E again but kept going until I felt poor German Lightening starting to poop out. Pounding the steering wheel and spewing obscenities, I rolled off the highway and into my FOURTH FUCKING gas station in 24 hours. Driving is not supposed to be a "pay as you go" type of thing. This is among the most retarded instances in my life.

I pulled up to a gas pump. At this point, walking seems like a viable option. Since I am not far from school, I figure SOMEONE from Albion would come help me out. Well, Murphy's Law has always effected me more than the average person, and literally nobody was around. My roommate was at Ceder Point. Every friend I have at Albion (which is like 7 people) didn't answer or was elsewhere in Michigan (elsewhere in Michigan being East Lansing).

I refuse to steal under any circumstances. Although suggested by the ever-forthright Dr. Phil, I knew pulling a drive-off was out of the question. I got out of my car and proceeded to gut it out, holding on to a shred of hope that somewhere, buried in the glove box or under a mat, I would find money.

This the part in the story where my utter ridiculousness shines blindingly. In my car I had:

1. hockey equipment, 2 hockey sticks and my lacrosse stick
2. sleeping bag and pillow
3. giant, random leopard print bag Mama Potts gave me, containing candy, a blue glass bottle and 2 candles
4. pair of jeans
5. millions of Taco Bell wrappers and cups

and the absolute kicker:

6. a large watercolor painting of the Golden Girls

...which I propped up on my car.

Picture it. 21-year-old bedraggled, hungover girl in the same clothes from last night, stranded at a gas station, ripping through the seat cushions looking for change, completely surrounded by the most random assortment of crap ever. Funny now, but not so much at the time. At this point I am just...done. I sit in the driver's seat and start to bawl.

Sometimes, I really do think everything happens for a reason. As completely chaotic and asinine my existence tends to be, every once in awhile I have a glimmer of hope that there is some order to the universe, and that things will work themselves out in the end. A green Jeep pulled up to the pump on the other side. A lady, mid-40s and dressed in a Carhat jacket, came up to me and handed me $5. "It seems like you could use this. I know what's going on. I would do the same thing for my daughter." And then she gave me a hug. A HUG. I don't even know this person. I was floored. Couldn't even speak. All I could do was thank her, pay the cashier and get back on the highway for the 17,000th time that day, and finish my drive into Albion. All while trying to wrap my mind around the fact that in a sea of poor choices and bad luck and mean people, when everything in my life made no sense at all, somebody good showed up and totally made my day. How does that even happen?

In conclusion, dumb shit will happen. But it will all be okay. People are good. Plan ahead with money. Clean out your car. And don't drive 100 miles away and splurge on a 99 cent Pepsi when you have $15 on you. I wish more than anything in the world that I could find a way to repay the green Jeep lady. She basically made my life.

And that's the story of MLA's Friday/Saturday. How was your Halloween?




"Is this really my life?"
- AMK, and my personal life motto