Make Haste!

Maybe it's just me, and maybe it's just my college, but I feel like everyone is suddenly in a tremendous hurry to get married.

It seems like every other night the girls from a given sorority come marching down the road; singing to some couple who's gotten engaged or "pinned." Last night at dinner couple of my roommates planned particulars of their weddings - including reception drinking policies and the dress shapes that would most flatter their prospective, pre-selected bridesmaids - while I sat dumbfounded. Everywhere I turn there's people's sisters' weddings and Engaged relationships statuses on Facebook.

Are you kidding me? We're twenty. Nineteen, twenty, and twenty-one years old.

I don't see a whole lot of marriage-readiness skills being displayed in these parts. We fight and gossip like it's straight up middle school. We get drunk on Wednesdays! We change our majors! We don't think before we act! We can't even throw away our junk mail properly! WHY ARE WE GETTING MARRIED?!

I can name a few reasons why girls in particular seem to be jumping the nuptial gun lately. Here's one: that nosy aunt that heckles you every Christmas party about your love life. You know, the one who will track you down and follow you around the buffet no matter how many quick-feet drills you've done that season. She'll nail you into a corner and ask, in masked casualty, "So, got a boyfriend?" I wouldn't call it a biological clock, but let's be real, girls. Somewhere some class of clock is ticking. Most of our parents got married in their mid-twenties, and the trend doesn't seem to have died down that much. When you're the ONLY cousin in your family over 12 not to have brought a boyfriend to Xmas yet, people start to wonder if it'll ever happen. Grandparents want grandkids, siblings want to be in the wedding and parents want assurance that their daughters aren't haggish loners. In spite of the years of education you've had and the huge strides made by women in the past decades that has made singledom okay, it's still expected that you will get married while you're still young and attractive.

Which brings me to my next point. Girls are scared they won't be able to meet decent guys once they get out of college and into the real world. This is a genuine fear. Where are we going to meet our future husbands? At work? At a bar? But I'll be a career woman! I won't be able to dress slutty and act like a ho! No man will find me desirable once I'm out of college! Much better to find some fixer-upper in a frat house at Albion College and hook 'em no more than a year after commencement. A lot of girls want to pick a serious boyfriend out of what, presumably, is the biggest man-talent pool they'll have contact with for the rest of their lives. Eh, so he sleeps with random girls and occasionally gets drunk and pees the bed. But that'll all change once we graduate in three months, are suddenly 10 years more mature overnight and ready to get MARRIED. Uh, no. No matter how ridiculous your sig-other's college self is, it's probably a good indication of their character. Do not settle, and do not get married until you are an adult that is head-over-heels for another adult that would do anything for you. It might take you until you're 45, but last I checked marriage isn't really something you want to dick around with.

Getting married is all fine and dandy. And I'm not knocking young love - some people my age are legitimately ready to get hitched. But judging by the jello-wrestling pit being constructed outside, I'd assume that most are not.

Leave the nosy aunt in the dust and finally, randomly, beautifully fall for the guy in your bingo group when you're 65. Love is the truest human capacity. Do not push it.

Last thought: Wearing all of your jewelry at once can be uncomfortable and heavy.