Hold on for One More Day

I know this summer left a lot to be desired, but as I'm sitting here drinking my Monster and eating Fritos I can't help but reminisce about some of the fine times I did have this year. The work was frustrating, the humor seemed to turn oddly cynical overnight, and we (3/3, anyway) didn't have campers to laugh at all the time. There were, however, many amazingly camp-ish things that happened. I think they're worth recounting, if only to brighten the mood.

Here are some of my personal favorite selections, mostly having to do with Health and Safety. You probably weren't there for them, but hopefully they make you laugh. Or something.

- The Trips. In case you didn't notice, HO and I were not present for the first two weeks of the summer. That's because we were partaking in one of the most underrated, mysterious, and hilarious CC traditions: the teen Midicha trips. Some of the things that happened during these excursions were downright unbelievable. And if you think doing twelve and two checks are tough in a cabin, try doing them in the pouring rain in a fucking refugee camp of tents when you've lost your glasses and have no shoes on and the racoons ate all the kids' peanut butter crackers. THAT'S Midicha, bitches.
For starters, I drove a bus for two weeks straight. Yes, me, who can hardly park her tiny Volkswagon straight in a normal parking place and is accustomed to driving at least 90 on the highway. The trip began on a high note when I ran over a certain wooden planter in front of a certain person's house while catching a Frisbee C-Dow threw through my open bus window. Faaantastic. The kids gave me crap for the rest of the week for that one. And then there was the time I backed into some dude's Suburban in a pitch-black Podunk, Pennsylvania campground. Left a note for the dude, came back from whitewater rafting, and there's like 4 state park rangers waiting at the gate of the park. Yes, they were looking for yours truly. Whoops, looks like I'm not so law-abiding after all. Probably some warrent out for my arrest but I'm over it. I think it turned out all right, Redwoods wasn't too fazed. Reversing in those things was a joy in and of itself. So, you're having a peaceful campfire in the Penn foothills with your family. The crickets are chirping, the fire is popping, it's idyllic. Suddenly - BEEEEEP! BEEEP! BEEEEP! - here come two very lost-looking twenty-somethings driving vanfuls of loud, horned-up diabetics about to back up onto your campsite. Charming. The best was when one of us would start to back up before the other, resulting in an echo-effect of beeping, something like singing in a round. Our cross-country drive ended with HO's bus breaking down at 75 mph on the Turnpike. We piled all 15 kids and 3 med staff onto my bus. I chugged 7 Red Bulls (it had been might night to do checks the night before) and drove the 9 hours back to Michigan. Miraculously, no one died. Driving this glorified minivan earned me the nickname of "mama" for the week and also exacerbated my road rage tenfold. Good times.
Naturally, the pancreas-impaired come with a lot of baggage. Food, pokers, meters, fanny packs of all shapes and sizes. Quite the menagerie. Stuff it all in drybags and you're ready to comadeer rapids in a dangerously low river, right? Sure. The boat I was in had a leak, and we were soon surrounded by an overwhelming assortment of floating diabetic supplies. Whenever we went over a large rapid, the ENTIRE contents of the raft - kids, bags, shoes, random hats, bottle of glucose tabs - went flying. I laughed so hard I nearly died. The backs of our vans were packed to the brim with boxes of diabetic crap. In fact, it was such a stack of boxes that prevented me from seeing out the back window when I backed into that guy. Everywhere we went was a flurry of sharp instruments, tubing, and carbohydrates. There are about five misplaced blood sugar meters floating around somewhere between Pennsylvania and Michigan. Oh, diabetisss. The trips were definitely a highlight of 2007, if only to the two H&S people who experienced them.

- Drive-Thru Meds. After one too many frustrating Thursday cookouts, snacks held randomly on the small athletic field and having 19,000 people loitering in the Health Center clamoring for their dinner AND snack meds at 10 PM, we took things into our own hands. We closed up shop, put a sign on the door that read something like "GO TO THE WINDOW UNLESS YOU ARE BLEEDING INTERNALLY" and punched the screen out. We pre-filled cups of water and literally dropped kids' pills to them through the open window. We also dispensed Band-Aids, Tums, and Ibuprofen liberally via our makeshift drive-thru. It was a sight to see.

- The Trashy Health Center AKA Sigma Mu Tau (EMT, get it?). Yes, I'm aware. Under my daytime management, the Health Center was a straight up white trash frat house. Bikes, lawnchairs, and golf carts perpetually filled the grassless yard. I had foam archery dinosaurs, random buckets, pencils, and pieces of chalk in my garden. Once someone ran into my landscaping with a golf cart. During spy week, a table covered in white powder was also present after the construction of 200 flour bombs. Did I mention it was surrounded by random pop cans and trash? Sketchy. Top it all off with an unshowered MLA sitting on the porch in a dirty wifebeater and you've got Arkansas. Welcome to the institution responsible for medically treating your children.

- Running Oh-Eh-ing Kids. During the International Camp Cup week, I was sitting on my porch (surprise) when I heard a thundering chorus of "Oh-Ehs" in the distance. Suddenly, a herd of young scurves-in-the-making stampeded by the HC, all doing the oh-eh. Seriously like 30 kids. Definitely one of the most epic moments of the summer.

- Drunk People on Blob. One evening, H&S Director and myself were strolling to the dining hall for dinnertime meds when we saw a crowd of staff standing on the waterfront hill. We went over and asked the crowd, mostly lifeguards, what was up. They simply pointed to the Blob, where two very unfamiliar men were unsuccessfully attempting to launch each other. RCD was on the beach yelling at them to get off or he'd call the cops. Later, one lifeguard told me that earlier in the day the same guys had been loudly partying on a pontoon boat with a topless woman just a few hundred yards from where Adventurers were having their swim period. Oh, camp.

So, there you have it. A few funny things that happened at camp this summer. Did they cheer you up? Maybs.






"Damn, all this place needs now is a baby in a diaper and a car on cinderblocks."
-Ranch Kid on the HC