Hurricane Emily

I destroy shit. Here are some examples:

1. Books. I dog-ear them, fold them, write and highlight in them. I'm known to draw inappropriate things on the pictures of people in textbooks, or erase them to make them "ghosts" (did anyone else do this in elementary school?). I have a habit of spilling things on my books, leaving them out in the rain, getting food in them, etc. I also do this weird thing when I read where I crinkle the pages with my fingers. It's really strange and I've been doing it since I was little. I end up ruining the pages and sometimes ripping little pieces out of them. You'll have to ask me to demonstrate sometime. I love books, but sadly I don't respect them.

2. Clothing. I have huge man shoulders. Consequentially, I frequently beast the armpits out of my tee shirts. I've tried to sew some of my armpit holes, but sadly since I failed the sewing unit in seventh grade home ec this has never ended well. I can't tell you how many pairs of jeans I've ripped the butt and crotch out of. I also have this tendency to wear socks outside with no shoes, which ruins them.

3. Food. If I'm not eating food on my plate, I play with it. It's very childish. I mix shit together, write my name in my rice, make mashed-potato sculptures, and assemble various other concoctions. I should probably quit doing this before I turn 20. When waiters take my plate away at a restaurant, it basically looks like the Middle East just happened on my plate.

4. Grass. I'm a rooter. I do it subconsciously. When we would sit down for a pep talk during soccer or lacrosse, I'd get up and notice a huge bald patch in the grass where I had been sitting.

5. Lives.