Today in lifeguarding we learned how to use an defibrillator. So, quick first aid lesson - before you can use an AED you have to make sure no one is touching the victim. You don't want to be electrocuting random bystanders. Or maybe you do, but you just shouldn't.
Anyway, we're using AEDs on dummies and we're supposed to yell "NOBODY TOUCH THE VICTIM!" before pushing the shock button. So after hearing various boring, unenthusiastic versions of "NOBODY TOUCH THE VICTIM!" from the 17 people ahead of me in line, I go to put the AED patches on the dummy and I'm in need of a little entertainment. So I say, in as sultry a voice as I can muster, "Mmm, now I get to touch the victim," and proceed to stroke Rescue Anne's hard, plastic chest and laugh to myself.
It was probably one of the most awkward moments of my life. I heard crickets. Not a soul laughed, save for my 60-year-old teacher, who forced a weak chuckle-cough. They all probably think I am some creep with a dummy fetish or something.
At the end of class, we're going to put the dummies away. I'm carrying the adult dummy, which goes in this long, black canvas bag. So I shove her in there and slowly zip up the bag, somberly stating, "This one didn't make it. We did everything we could." Again, nothing. What a bunch of stiffs (literally).
People! We are dealing with dummies! Dummies are hilarious! Ah! Stop being boring!
Well, at least I got a good laugh in.
3 comments:
Chuck always tells me as long as you can make yourself laugh that's all that matters.
I however would have probably died hysterically if I'd been in your class. I know I did reading it.
oh my god em. this killed me. i laughed like an idiot the entire time. then i proceeded to read it aloud to the six other people in the room, but lacked the ability to recite your entry without laugh-reading. Though my delivery lacked the proper tone and was thick with uncomprehensible giggling, they all thought it was pretty funny.
As this was happening, all I could think was "Ali and Kate would be laughing."
And aren't you supposed to be on vaca or something?
Post a Comment