The Young and the Restless...and Indecisive

Yesterday I applied to Loyola University in Chicago. I did this because Ali and I are getting married. That was a lie for a few reasons, actually. One reason is that I'm not into girls. Another reason is we're not allowed to do that yet in this country.

I'm fidgety. I like the faculty and many of the people here at Albion, but in the back of my mind I always hold on to this feeling of wanting to escape. There's this constant, irritating restlessness.

I do honestly love to move. Six weeks of loafing has renewed this love. It truly is part of my personality. I seek comfort in jaunts across campus, tapping my pen in class, running errands, flipping through a magazine over and over, long drives on the highway. I often wake up with my head at the foot of my bed and my feet on my pillow. It's that in-between, traveling state that is most satisfying for me. My college is the size of a city block. It never takes more than five minutes to get anywhere. I am simply running out of places to go.

Besides the angst my own ADD presents, Albion is not exactly culturally endowed. We're this incubus of white, middle class kids taking up a block of a small, working-class community. There have been efforts to improve the college/town relationship, but for the most part we don't want anything to do with each other. This is not the real world. I did a lot of maturing in the past year, and I've outgrown Albion. If I stay here, I will spend the next two and a half years in the same quarter-mile space. I will never have my own house or learn to navigate independently. I don't want to reach adulthood inside a bubble. I crave the potpourri of movement and people that a big city provides.

But I might change my mind tomorrow, so stay tuned.