OK, so this is cliché and seventh-grade-omgz-Livejournal-esque, but I am sick of feeling unattractive. I am tired of the stupid, unspoken competitions between "friends" as to who can dress the cutest or avoid the cookies.
Being a girl is rife with complications. There are so many rules for us. As much as modern culture endeavors to bring "voluptuous" and "womanly" and "healthy" and "curvy" and "athletic" up to the same level as thin, I, ever the cynic, believe that it will never be so. We try to convince ourselves that Lindsey Lohan and Nicole Richie are skinny to the point of vile unattractiveness, but I believe there's a part of most women that desires that image. I'll be the first to say it; I think Nicole Richie looks good. I do. She is tiny and cute. I would love to look like that, but I simply never will. I could eat strictly crudités and run twelve miles a day and I still would never be a size four, or even a six. I see girls killing themselves over this very point every day. It sucks. However, I think I'm ahead of the game because I've realized it's totally pointless to try and please the world as an acceptable girl. I've pretty much given up on appearance, simply because I am far too lazy to put in the effort required to meet college culture's standards of "hot". There are a lot of them.
Yes, the fact that I will never be show-business thin "doesn't really matter", but it does. It does. Society says that I am the sum of my appearance and my femininity. Society is really big and really scary and unambiguously insurmountable. There is nothing anybody could ever do to make slenderness unattractive. It will heinously, unavoidably torment most of us poor women until the day we die.
Boo, so I'm a Debbie Downer. This is mah blog.
I am become Death
14 years ago
4 comments:
please read my response on ranch2chi
Dear emily,
Please remember to keep in context the environment in which you live. You are surrounded by upper middle class spoiled kids (no matter how nice they are, it's true). They were socialized to value things like Coach and skipping meals. Just because they know how to hold onto their Vera Bradley bags while stepping into their Uggs does not constitute a beautiful person. Remember: we were too into building forts, putting on plays and playing foxes to drown ourselves in keeping up with fashion. Do not worry, one day these people will have their comeuppances (or just get old and ugly). You, however, will always be interesting.
Love Christina
ps are you still coming to frontier ruckus?
I knew I would catch a lot of flack for this post...
Part of the problem is where you geographically are at the moment. College boys and girls are not known for their maturity in the romance stakes.
Part of it is where you are emotionally at the moment. I think as your self-confidence grows (as it has been the last nine months) you'll worry less about this stuff.
I can tell you when you came in to interview a year ago, every red-blooded camp male told me I had to hire you immediately. I wanted to hire you immediately when you told me you played on a men's hockey team. Different strokes for different folks, but you had something for both folks that day.
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